Saturday, June 26, 2010

Just like a Country Time Lemonade Commercial



I'll stay on the bus, Forget about us, Put the blame on me 
(10 bonus points Name that song)


"That tree would be perfect for a tree swing." Have you ever been riding down the road come across a big outstretched oak and said this? Is it just me? My mentally crevasse's are filled with, children's shoes sizes, "I" before "E" except after "C", My husband shares the same birthday as Nancy Kerrigan, and locations of trees that need a tree swing. Starting with the Paul Bunyan-esk Oak in our backyard. Mothers Day I got my wish.  And for a good half hour that afternoon, there were no parents in the backyard, just 4 kids, laughing and smiling as they took turns soaring up to the sky under the canopy of our oak tree.
It was just like a Country Time Lemonade Commercial.







Friday, June 11, 2010

Observations and Large Fries





After my Last Trip to McDonald's I was inspired to write this:

The following is a compilation of observations I have made over the last 4 years. It's a satirical look at our peers and our children's peers. The stereotypes presented are not in anyway meant to represent one single person living or deceased. (Ok that last part might be a lie there are definitely real people written about in here, but you don't know them personally and neither do I.)

America is the melting pot, and there are few places that demonstrate that fact better then ..... Mcdonalds Playland. Mcdonalds Playland, it really is dinner and a show, sometimes an interactive show and sometimes a really bad interactive show.

There are those of you out there, some who are reading this right now, who have excommunicated the playland from you and your children's lives, and I cast no stones at you, and you are probably right there probably is a chance that Swine Flu, Diphtheria, and the Bubonic Plague are all hanging out in those hamster tunnels. But that's not what I'm writing about today. I'm writing about the people and their offspring that inhabit (if for only 25 minutes at a time) the florescent pink tubes under the golden arches.

I believe that most people at the Mcdonalds Playland lay low, just eat their fries round up the kids and go... But there a few people that stand out.

From my observation the types of people that frequent the land of play break down into 8 categories as follows:

The Newbies... This is really more of a hazing ritual then a type of person, everyone there has been the newbie. The vast majority of the hazeing rituals involve climbing into and up to the very top of the maze smelling like a combination of feet, ketchup, & wet dog and retrieving a screaming 18 month old who has been paralyzed with fear for the last 11 minuets, refusing to go down the slide with any good Samaritan 7 year old you send up there with sucker from the bank. When this is happening to you, keep in mind we've all been there before, and most of us will politely look away and say under our breath....Thank God this time it's not me.

The Techies... These are the women who have already updated their FB status, replied back on 3 emails and watered all their crops in farmville before unwrapping the hamburger that their flailing armed 24mth old is trying to reach but instead stuffs an entire straw wrapper in her mouth. This is HER TIME, she came here to get a good 40mins of wifi and check out the rumors regarding the new American Idol Judge while talking on the phone to Kelly, Sara, Mom and Pauly, you know this because regardless of the fact that she is sitting across the room, you can hear her plain as day. The only people SHE can't hear are her kids, Yelling "Mom! Look at me!  as the little rug rats have crawled outside the play structure and are now hanging upside down from the rafters.

The Bree's... As in Desperate Housewife Bree, You spot her easily because she always has wipes and antibacterial gel on hand. All the other mom's are dressed in Yoga pants, a pony tail and most likely a fresh ketchup stain somewhere on their shirt. She is wearing a sweater set and pencil skirt. Her children are also dressed as though they just came from a tea party in the white house garden. She brings her own silverware, and spends the majority of her time disinfecting her 2.5 children after each ride down the slide and reminding them not to get their play clothes dirty. They spend the least amount of time there, because she's secretly afraid that some of her friends from the country club might spot her luxury class SUV in the parking lot and the 3 year old has violin practice at 1:15.

The Mom's With Agenda's (MWA's) - Her Child is special.... very special.... no seriously, way more special then your child.... and she sees this as the perfect forum to let everyone know that 6 yr old Jonny just scored a 2,100 on his SAT, this weekend he will single handedly be building a Habitat for Humanity Home, and after lunch he has a conference call with some of the Doctors at the Mayo because he is pretty sure he discovered the cure for cancer in his sandbox. Jonny has a tendency of getting beat up in the far recess's of the tunnels so they stay only slightly longer then the Bree's and are pretty easy to spot driving away, because the whole bumper of their car is decoupaged  with "Student of the Month" Stickers.

The Beyonce's
... These are some of the most entertaining. They desperately want someone to put a ring on it, and this trip to Mickey D's might just land them Baby Daddy number 3. High heels, short skirt, extensions on hair and lashes. Her priority is to look good and look good looking good.
She is pretty much no harm to anyone, unless you grabbed the booth next to the General Manager of Office Max, then her eyes will cast daggers. All you can do is shake your head, and wonder why she doesn't see BIG RED FLAGS when setting her sites on grown man without children sitting
in a Mcdonalds playland area.

The Could Care Less Moms ... These I believe are the worst ones of all, and as the apples don't fall far from the tree. It's mostly likely their children that YOU will have to deal with, because honestly she doesn't care. She doesn't care that you forgot socks and shelled out the 2 bucks so you would be in compliance of the Mcdonalds code of conduct, written in 160pt Helvetica Purple for all to see. She's not going to. She doesn't care if her 4 year old just climbed the wrong way up the slide with an entire twist cone and proceeded to smear it against the clear plexiglass at the top of the tunnel. And she doesn't care that her 13 year old (who is now a foot above the cut off height at the entrance) has taken the matchbox cars out of the happy meals and is hurling them down the tube slides towards the unsuspecting victims below. But she does care if you use the slightest bit of verbal discipline towards them, and she will let you, everyone else around you, management and if need be the authorities know that she alone, not the village is raising her children.

The Grandparents
... God Bless them. When they were young, fast food was literally going out to the woods and trying to catch your supper. They have worked hard all their lives, trying to forge a better
life for their offspring. And now the fruit of the fruit of their labor is barking orders at them from atop the swirly slide refusing to go home, and all Nana and papa can do is throw hot apple pies at the situation trying to lure the little hijacker down.

And Finally The Dads... Ha ha... they thought this was going to be easy, after all their wife does it. Run in grab some food let the kids wear themselves out while he enjoys a Big Mac and catches up on the sports section. No need for the diaper bag, what could possibly go wrong... Fast forward 13 minutes to the look of shear terror on his face after witnessing his toddler who just had a blow out diaper smear her way down the slide followed by the 5 year old who after realizing he was covered in his sisters diarrhea, vomited his entire lunch all over himself, and the pile of kids shoes on the floor. That was his last time inside the restaurant.

I honestly hope this does not deter anyone from going to Mcdonalds.  Learning to coexist if only for a half hour with people who think you are as crazy different as they are can only bring more understanding to the world we all live in.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Celebration

A celebration to last throughout the years
So bring your good times, and your laughter too
We gonna celebrate your party with you
(10 Bonus points for whomever can name that song)


Any of you who have set foot in my house, or even peeked through my windows know that I am a.....

celebrator

ˈse-lə-ˌbrā-tər\ noun

1 : to observe a holiday, perform a religious ceremony, or take part in a festival
2 : to observe a notable occasion with festivities

I am a celebrator. I come for a long line of celebrators. This way of life has been instilled in both me and my sister by my mother, and in her by her mother. In fact, I'm suspect that if my roots were traced back to the Germanic tribes, there would be a women standing outside her hut with a smile on her face, and this hut would stand out from all others because it was adorned with various obscure little artifacts that celebrate some sort of pagan holiday. And the idea that I'm still carrying this way of life in my hut makes me smile. Why do I decorate? Why do I spend my time, and money and effort this way. Because in the rush of day to day life, I feel we need to be reminded that something special is coming. Whether it's a Bunny, a Groundhog, a Savior (Lord, please forgive me for placing you after the ground hog, it just flows better...). When the effort is not made to make these occasions stand out, it's easy for them to seemingly blend into the grayness of Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and to me that makes life dull and sad. So being a decorator, I take it upon myself to announce to the world from my hut. " It's not just a Thursday in November, its THANKSGIVING!"
 I LOVE that you can walk into my house any time of year, and know exactly what holiday is coming up next. I love you can walk into my bathroom October 1st and be greeted by a pumpkin toilet seat cover and black cat hand towels. I Love that my husband unobtrusively collects the ever revolving totes of decorations, stores them and then returns with the next seasons, all the while only commenting on how nice the house looks with the St. Patrick Day Stuff up. Finally I love that my blood ties run strong, and my little decorators eyes light up with each newspaper wrapped treasure I pull out of the box to be put up for display.
I am already grooming them you know.... Since they were born I've been squirreling away decorations, labeled & dated, before you know it I'll be be handing over their totes full of decorations for there homes. And on that day I will smile, and my mother will smile, and the women standing next to her hut in heaven will smile.



I'm curious... I'm sure the legions (ha ha) of you reading this out there posses some trait that while seemingly off kilter to the rest of the world is so strongly embedded in your DNA that you will carry it on as long as you live. I'd love to hear about... post it! please! :)


Celebrating Easter
I think everyone is in agreement that we were blessed with a beautiful day for Easter this year.
It's always more enjoyable to hunt Easter eggs around the yard instead of around the living room.

We started the tradition of watching the 1971 cult classic "Here Comes Peter Cottontail" by Jules Bass and Arthur Rankin Jr..
 I absolutely love this movie, well actually I love anything where Casey Kasem does a voice over. They just don't make kids animation like that anymore.

We have a rather odd Easter egg tradition at our house. Neither Brian nor myself are really big hard boiled egg fans. So come Easter, I boil the eggs, and since I don't make hard boiled eggs, I've never bothered to actually look up how long you should boil an egg, I just know that I don't want any runny goo leaking out should I inevitably drop 1 or 4. So by my calculations 2 or 3 hours seems a like a good boiling time. Then we color the eggs, then they sit on the counter for a couple days. Then comes the fun part. We take the eggs over to the woods and throw them in as far as we can, for the raccoons. Cricket and Biscuit think this is the absolute best thing since sliced bread. I laugh when I look forward...It will be quite puzzling for them, when they grow up ant get involved with other families Easters and see other families actually eating what they have deemed for so long as raccoon food.


A few snapshots of our Easter Morning




Hope you all had a wonderful time celebrating Easter!


Doreen wins last months guess, It's actually "I wish I had a river" but close enough :)
So many people have covered it...Originally sung by Joni Mitchell, but has also been covered by Allison Crowe, Robert Downey Jr. and of course Sarah McLachlan.
Good Job D! 10 points for you.


Thursday, March 18, 2010

Finally Posting February

I know what your all thinking... she's a big talker in January about this blog every month thing, but when February rolls around...

First let me say February was a more of a blur then a month.  My hard drive died in late January and I seriously had a hard time with that... yes, seriously. I felt like my coworker died. This machine and I are almost literally joined at the hip for 9 hours a day. That's more time then I spend with either my husband or my kids Monday thru Friday. I know all of it's quirks, how long it takes to open a file in Illustrator, the little warnings you get (and choose to ignore) before a program crashes on you. And it wasn't until all that was gone that I realized I considered my hard drive to be a person and was seriously grief stricken and furious that this person would just go and die on me without evening letting me know there was anything wrong!  It wasn't the information I was upset about losing, it was the relationship. Ok, I know I just lost 99% of you with those last 2 sentences, and some of you are probably copying this into an email bound for Dr. Phil. But that is how I felt. My husband, who was utterly dumbfounded at his wife's reaction to having a machine stop working, was a saint throughout the whole ordeal. Staying up til 12am several nights in a row trying to bring it back to life, and sending me out to the bar with Lisa, so I could drown my sorrows in vodka sours. I have a new hard drive now, it's kind of like an arranged marriage, we are getting to know each other
and so far it's going well.

Secondly February was our sick month. We are fairly healthy most of the year, but as soon as the Christmas decorations come down, I know it's coming, and the bomb dropped in February. Thank God for the invention of the Quick Clinic. Neither of my children get sick during normal business hours, nor are they accommodating enough to warn me 48hrs in advance so I can book a decent apt with our family doctor. And that is where "Lobster" Doctor comes in. Dr. James Martineau, better know to our family as Lobster Doctor, decreed as such because he set up shop in Corbon's, where they have live lobsters in the meat department. (And obvious connection of the dots for a 3 and 5 year old.) Seriously, him and receptionist Amy know us by name. We had one week where at least 1 member of the Bumgarner household had been to the quick clinic 5 out of those 7 days.

When we weren't mourning over technology, recovery from strep, allergic reactions or ear infections. We did manage to get out and have some fun.  


Hockey Skates with Pink Laces
I wish I had a river so long, I would teach my feet to fly, Oh I wish I had a river, I could skate away on... (Name that song)

Santa dropped off a new pair of Hockey Skates with pretty pink laces for Cricket. She did a good job her first time out. Proud papa was skating around like a peacock watching his future wing forward slowly shuffle her way across the ice.



Swimming at the Pool 

Biscuit has become quit the fish over the last 6 months. He was eager to say "Goodbye" to that cumbersome life jacket, and explore the deeper waters. He has all but perfected his cannonball, and can't wait til the ice is off the lake (regardless of the temp) so he can doggy paddle the day away.

  


Cricket's First Trip to the Dentist
Normally, I wouldn't include this in the "Fun" section, but somehow Biscuit and Cricket view going to
the dentist as Exciting, and a good way to spend a Friday morning.
Cricket had a great 1st experience at the dentist. Props to the ever patient hygienist, who gave unlimited up and down rides in the in the chair, let cricket spray her in the face with the "rinsing gun" and sat for a good 8 minutes while she decided which Disney characters toothbrush she would adopt as her own.

 Finally, it should be noted that at 5 years of age, my Biscuit has made it know that he no longer needs me to go into the dentist room with him, he's a big boy, has been doing this for years now (2 years) and would prefer that cute hygienist think that his status is "single" and not "living with my mother".



(**Last Months Song was - "At the Zoo, By Simon & Garfunkel")

Thursday, January 14, 2010

It's all happening at the zoo.

Someone told me
It's all happening at the zoo.
I do believe it,
I do believe it's true.
(10 bonus points for whomever can name the group that sang it)

I Love the Zoo. Whoever came up with idea to gather a bunch of animals from all over (Recurring Noah theme) for everyone to gaze upon at their leisure, was a smart cookie.
Once a year my dad would take off work and we would skip school and go to the zoo, and I treasure those memories and when my kids are in school will encourage my husband to do the same with our kids. Yes, Yes, school is important. But I'm pretty sure that nothing that I would have learned in school that day has had as much of a lasting impression on me as going to the zoo with dad. Why must you skip school and work, because that's when you have the whole zoo as your playground, there's no waiting in line to see the glimpse of a tail, you can stand and discuss and examine at your as long as their little attention spans can soak it up.

So Friday I packed up the kids and we headed to the zoo.


Here is a little bit about that day:

(Andie Rule #22)If there is any sort of turtle statue around the children absolutely must have their picture taken on it.


Why are Flamingos pink?
What does a bearded Lizard eat?
Wow! Mom, did you see me touch that humongous shark!?

Biscuit and Cricket both enjoyed touching the sharks and stingrays the most that day.
We probably spent 45 minutes in that area, and Biscuit touched 8 sharks, Cricket mostly splashed in the water and did her best to get as much water on herself as possible, so
she could...

Stand under the hand dryer. She thinks this is hilarious, and the giggling of passersby only encouraged her more. Oh to be 3.


THE GIFT SHOP








I grew up with the idea placed firmly in my head that the gift shop was an evil place, where
everything was overpriced (dad) and would immediately break on you after you left the store (mom). I now consider this a good money saving lesson to have learned. But now that the time has come to impart that same wisdom on my little ducklings, I've decided to take perhaps a less shall we say abrasive approach. Offering the olive branch of, "We can go in and look at the the neat stuff, but we aren't going to buy anything today, just look." After all the other terms of said "Look Not Buy" agreement have been negotiated and accepted by both parties in front of the White Armadillo exhibit and before making our way to the car, we made our way to the GIFT SHOP. And once we get there, I know all too well, she will be there too. My arch-nemesis, the ying to my yang, the mother who will not say "No".... Yep there she is, arms full of stuffed monkeys, a lion shaped sippy cup, a hat with cobra on it, plastic star fish, and a giant sucker. I am met with 2 sets of eyes giving me "But everybody else's mom is buying stuff" look. I remain firm on my side of the contract. And I can see the wheels in my 5 year olds head turning. "We'll Mom, I think your right, we won't get anything this time, but next time when we come we can save up our money and get 1 thing each." I now begin scanning the potted plants for a camera crew or Ashton Kutcher before I realize YES, YES, this whole value of money thing can be taught in a calm and orderly fashion!!! We walked out of the GIFT SHOP that day without any tears, tantrums or teddy bears. And just as I was feeling good about the lesson I had taught my little hatchlings, the first of an endless stream of questions was dropped. "Mom, when can we come back to the zoo, so I can buy something?" "Can we come back tomorrow?"" How about the day after that?" "How about next Friday?" aaaahhhh.... another day another lesson :)

Monday, January 11, 2010

New Years Resolution

We've made it to 2010, another holiday season gone by in the blink of a jolly old elf's eye.
The only traces of Christmas that remain in our house are a plate of crumbled sugar cookies and a wilted poinsettia.
Sounds depressing when I reread it, but it's a time to look ahead to all the new adventures and old traditions this year will bring.

This is my new years resolution, I'm going to try and do this once a month. Only 12 times a year, that's do able right??? I'll give it my best.

I feel like the 2 bundles of joy I just brought home from the hospital are growing too fast. I know I'm guilty of wishing away time and saying it'll
be sooo nice he can hold the bottle, when she can sit up by herself, when they are both out of diapers. And now here I am with 2 potty trained
children who are much closer to being school agers then babies. As the days roll on it's the memories of my babies that become a little hazy. I'm hoping
this blog will be something our family can look back on fondly and remember when we all were young :)

A little bit about the babies:

Biscuit
Weighing in at 6lbs 12oz at birth, he stole our hearts. In the first few days, Brian and I would fight over who got to hold him on the couch at night.True to his Scorpio sign, his temperament can turn on a dime, and true to his gender, he's all boy, anything with wheels, sharp teeth or has some sort of engine holds his attention for endless periods of time. Both of us being saddled with the role of first born, I already see shared traits developing. He overly worries, about being his sisters keeper, about whether his peers will like him, about making mistakes. How can these things weigh so heavily on someone has only been on the earth a 1/2 decade? At the end of the day though, he will still come and snuggle with you on the couch, or give you a bear hug when your feeling down. At 5 years of age he already grasps the concept of empathy, I hope he holds onto that forever.


Add ImageCricket
Taking my cue for her birth date prediction, she made her grand entrance at 7:14 am on 10/10/06. And she was not at all what I was expecting. I had in my mind the image of a little, petite, delicate flower of girl, who was meek and mild, you know like the ones in the Norman Rockwell paintings.
This girl was strong and vibrant and came into the world hitting an octave above high C. She has a presence that attracts your attention like something shiny in a store window. Cricket, lives every day with indomitable effervescence, simply put she at 3 years of age she gets what most of us in our 30's are still struggling with, "The world is your oyster, yours for the taking, TAKE IT ALREADY!" But make no mistake, if you hear crickets chirping you better go find her, she was born with the mentality of it's better to ask for forgiveness then permission.